Jump Start # 3771
Job 19:14 “My relatives have failed, and my intimate friends have forgotten me.”
Ole’ Job felt alone. At the top of the list, he thought the silence of God meant the Lord had abandoned him and he couldn’t understand why. But, it continues. His wife gave up and told Job to curse God. The four friends that traveled to visit Job only accused him and attacked him and made him feel worse. Then, our verse today, my relatives have failed and I was forsaken by my intimate friends. It makes me think of an old Gilbert O’Sullivan song, “Alone again, naturally.”
By the end of Job’s story there is a turn around. The last chapter reveals, “Then all his brothers and all his sisters and all who had known him before, came to him, and they ate bread with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brough on him. And each one gave him one piece of money, and each a ring of gold” (42:11).
But midway through this journey, where our verse comes from, Job feels all alone. Failed and forgotten, the two curses of fellowship.
Here are some thoughts from this:
First, sometimes it’s not the failure of family and friends, but it’s the Job in us that is the problem. We expect others to be there. Do they know that? They can’t read our minds. They also have lives and things they must deal with. We can expect others to solve our problems and make life easier, when it truly falls upon us to take the right steps to make things better. We want the church to pay our bills when we have overspent buying expensive phones, video games and eating out all the time. And, when the church questions our choices, we get angry, threaten to leave and blame everything upon others.
Our family and friends can walk beside us. They can encourage us. They can be our support and cheerleaders. But, we are the ones who must take the steps. We are the ones who must continue the journey. Friends and family and encourage but they can’t take the pain away. Our expectations may not be aligned properly. We expect way more than what others can possibly do. It may not be failed and forgotten. It may be that we were expecting the impossible.
Second, there are times when family and friends fail us and forget about us. They do. They are not perfect. And, to be honest, there probably has been times when we failed them as well. Maybe we didn’t go to a funeral when most others did. Maybe we didn’t check in on someone who was in the hospital. I face those choices all the time. It’s hard. Extended family stuff. Immediate family stuff. My congregation’s stuff. Kingdom stuff.
I’m not sure what Job was expecting family and friends to do. I’d like to think with ten fresh graves on the hillside, his family would have come in his grief. But, they didn’t have the answers he was looking for. They couldn’t make things any better. And, maybe that was just the problem. Maybe Job was expecting the impossible. Maybe he was looking for something that none of us can provide. Sorry and grief is a journey and each person must travel through it at their own pace. Faith helps more than anything else. There is no fast forwarding through the pain of grief. Maybe Job wanted his family to feel as bad as he felt. That couldn’t happen. You can grieve the loss of a cousin, nephew or niece, but it’s never the same as a parent. Job’s family would never feel what Job was feeling. And, that can cause anger and resentment.
There are times when our brethren have let us down and disappointed us. Promises were not kept. Secrets were shared. No one came. No one seemed to care. That crushes hearts and questions the love in a fellowship. But remember, we are all a work in progress. The Lord will never let you down. The Lord has always been there for you. This is something Job had to realize.
Third, by the last chapter of Job, it seems that ole’ Job has allowed his family back into his home and his heart. When others have failed and forgotten us, we can file that away and treat them the same, or we can forgive and give them a second chance. Job seems to have chosen the forgiveness route. They came. They came with gifts. They shared food together.
When we hold things against people for the rest of their lives, we do not allow them the opportunity to learn and to change. Maybe someone has failed and forgotten you. They may feel terrible about that today. I’ve been there on both sides of this. There has been times when I should have been there and I didn’t go. Tired. Busy. Family needed me. But, for the hurting heart, all they knew was that I wasn’t there. I remember that more than I remember the times that I did go. Guilt works with a good heart and it will change a person. It has me.
And, I have been the one hurting and witnessed failed and forgotten by those who I expected to be there. They weren’t. At the moment, it hurt. But, with time, I chose not to dwell on that and to continue to include them in my life.
Failed and forgotten…it leads to being alone. It leads to thinking no one cares. It leads to more pain that an already hurting heart tries to bear. May these thoughts help us to remember how valuable it is for us to be there for others. Nothing grand needs to be said. Your presence speaks volumes.
Failed and forgotten…two words that we can never say about our Lord. He has always been there for us. And, for that, we are incredibly thankful.
Roger